Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
