a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize