so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
