She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
