He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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