direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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