Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
