what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
