I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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