We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
