remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
