Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
