dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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