he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
True strength comes from lack of pants
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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