My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice