Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.