I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.