We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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