When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
