Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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