We won't sleep together?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
