There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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