My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize