I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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