i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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