i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
