12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
