I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
