he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
