Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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