Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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