you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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