Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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