oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
