I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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