i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
