I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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