I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it was like eating out sand paper
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
