Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
