I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
