Just fell off a train. Bad.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
