I love black thongs
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
