wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
