Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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