Can i not drive my cunt home
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
