Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
