weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
