I look better un-naked...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
