i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
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I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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