and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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