I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
