Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
