A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hate all girls vehemently.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
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how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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