the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
