In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
