He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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