Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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