you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
