Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
