I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
