you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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