my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
