I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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