Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
