I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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