I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
