It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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