whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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