four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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